so i get confused about a lot of things sometimes..and i just don't understand what is really going on..or why i'm doing something..or why i do things that i know are going to hurt me over and over again..maybe it's so i can have that time of 'feeling good' but still have the 'hangover' of happiness..cause a hangover isn't a good thing..and i hate to make this a reference to alcohol, because it's nothign like alcohol..it's not a drug..i don't feel hurt right now..i feel better about things..i didn't do something i was going to regret the next day..it made me happy and i smiled..work was less stressful..i was getting through things..its still the holiday season though..and i am finding myself lonely..not lonely and alone, just lonely..i could be in a room with a thousand people that i knew, and i'd still feel lonely..i could be sitting with the love of my life and know that i will really be with them forever, and yet, i would still feel lonely..i don't know why this is such a lonely time for me..now i just sound like a whiny bitch, cause i complain and complain about it, but i don't do anything about it..blah, i should rest