so on sunday i spent thinking a lot..i mean a lot...i thought a lot about jeff and i's relationship...well, mostly the beginning, and the end...the end first of course...i first remembered seeing him for the first time after the breakup at pride..he came up to me to hug me, and i basically turned my back and the look on his face still makes me tear up...his mouth hung open and he had to hold back the tears so much..and watching that at that time was so painful...we went out to eat that day..and that's when things turned a little ugly with other things

at the beginning, i was severely depressed and went out to the saloon with a few friends, and drank before i went...sat there, didn't really have a good time..drunkeness was wearing off and the bar was closing..and i was just sitting there...i watched everybody go out and eventually i got up to walk and and someone hits my shoulder blade and says "smile" and i turn around and go "what??!?" he said "smile" and did this grin..he was one of the guys i was kind of checking out...we exchanged phone numbers..and i went home

a few days later, he called up when i was on my way to the bar alone..i met up with him for coffee, and from there we went to his house...and then the relationship begins..

so i thought a lot about these things..beginnings and endings, not what was inbetween...today i got a phone call on my answering machine at home from jeff...the beginning was laughter and i knew exactly who it was..a voice i haven't heard for nearly 6 months...that i didn't know i was going to hear ever again....he said he was well..and that i should call him..i called back, left a message...and soon realized that i wasn't going to get a response any time soon..and if he does..it would be at 4 in the morning