when i first walked in, it felt empty, i forgot all about the kids, and saw them first..i looked around the empty livingroom, seeing the same things i saw over a month ago..nothing...nothing changed, only some things were there...none that was my own...the low light felt unwelcoming....i talked to the kids for a bit..and then entered the bedroom...had the same feeling, the bed was raised, the kids ran under it...the tv was on, i sat by the computer, he lied on the bed, not talking, only answering my questions using very few words....

after 20-30 minutes, i left, i felt weird, i felt like i had the upper hand, the situation didn't look good, it was depressing...i wasn't sure how to feel..he said "we can do something this weekend when i'm not so tired"..and i left...walked through the empty depressing poor lit livingroom, and out the door....was offered a hug with the guilt of "you're angry"...with my response of "well, you aren't saying anything to me"...gave him the hug and walked out..and walked home..and now i'm sitting here typing this

now is left to wonder....am i better off? or was it just business as usual for me...i don't think i'll ever know, but that is okay, that was part of 'letting go' that i've learned..not to be hurt by little things..not to care...i guess we'll see what this weekend might bring