so kevin and i kind of talked about getting back together last night..on the internet of course..and he didn't want to do it there..i was discussing how rediculous it is for me to even to try to get into or find a relationship..i mean, i'm content with things as they are right now..well, there's a few things, and being in a relationship now wouldn't be a bad thing and all...i'm just tired of playing the "smotherer" or something..i meet someone, get connected way too quickly to them...i just latch on..and a lot of people don't like that..but i still like to have my independence

so anyway..kevin didn't really want to get into it online..but he said "lately, i've had my doubts" which i took as, no, we shouldn't get back together, it's not a good idea..and maybe it's not..and if it's not, i have to stop treating it like it's going to happen...i do this with so many things...it's like i'm thinking "i expect a relationship out of this you know" and that's totally not the intentions of the other person..but i have to stop going over there all of the time, giving backrubs, spending the night, having sex, cuddling, holding..all that "relationship" type stuff....it's good that i see these things now though..because then i know what to avoid..i love growing into a stronger person...ugh, time to get ready